My First Month: House Rules and Getting it Right (or Wrong!) in Germany

Okay, deep breath. It’s been a month since I moved to Munich, and let’s just say it’s been…an adjustment. I’d studied German for a year, but nothing truly prepares you for actually living it. I’m living with a lovely couple, Hans and Ingrid, who have welcomed me with open arms – and a surprisingly detailed set of house rules. It’s been a fantastic crash course in practical German, particularly around things like chores and expectations. Honestly, it’s been a lot more challenging than I anticipated, and I’ve made a few spectacularly embarrassing mistakes, but I’m slowly starting to get the hang of it. This isn’t a grammar lesson; this is about how we actually talk about these things here.

The First Conversation: Dishes and “Bitte”

The first big hurdle was the dishes. The morning after I arrived, Ingrid came into my room, and in perfect, slightly exasperated German, said, “Thomas, bitte! Die Teller in die Spülmaschine!” (Please! Put the plates in the dishwasher!). I mumbled something about being tired, and she just smiled and pointed. I understood the words, but the urgency…that wasn’t in the textbook.

It wasn’t until later, when I was stacking the plates incorrectly (apparently, you have to put the plates in the dishwasher, not just beside it!), that she gently corrected me, saying, “Nein, Thomas, so! Muss so!” (No, Thomas, like this!). She then demonstrated, and I realized muss – “must” – was key here. It’s not a polite request; it’s a clear instruction.

Modal Verbs: “Können,” “Müssen,” and “Sollen” – Understanding Expectations

Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a lot of modal verbs being used – verbs that express ability, obligation, or advice.

• Können (can/to be able to): Hans asked me yesterday if I kann den Müll rausbringen? (Can you take out the trash?). I said, “Ja, natürlich! Kann ich!” (Yes, of course! I can!). It felt good to be able to offer to help.
• Müssen (must/have to): This one’s tricky. Ingrid told me, “Du musst die Wohnung sauber halten!” (You must keep the apartment clean!). I initially struggled with this because it felt so…demanding. I realized she wasn’t just asking; it was an expectation.
• Sollen (should/ought to): Ingrid suggested, “Du solltest die Fenster abends schließen” (You should close the windows in the evening). It felt less like a command and more like friendly advice.

Imperatives: Giving Direct Instructions – And Avoiding Confusion

The imperative – the command form of a verb – is everywhere. Hans was incredibly direct when he asked me to turn off the lights. “Schalte das Licht aus!” (Turn off the light!). It took me a while to realize that in German, it’s far more common to use the imperative than to say “Bitte schalte das Licht aus” (Please turn off the light). The directness can feel a little jarring at first, but you quickly get used to it.

I accidentally left the iron on once, and Hans just shouted, “Nein, Thomas! Schalte die Eisen aus!” (No, Thomas! Turn off the iron!). I apologized profusely – “Es tut mir leid!” (I’m sorry!) – and he just chuckled and said, “Kein Problem.” (No problem).

Little Things, Big Impact: The Importance of “Danke” and “Entschuldigung”

It’s not just about the rules themselves; it’s also about the way you ask and respond. I’ve learned that saying “Danke” (thank you) after completing a task is absolutely essential. And if you mess something up – like spilling a little water – saying “Entschuldigung!” (Excuse me!) immediately is crucial. I accidentally knocked over a plant, and I panicked. Ingrid immediately said, “Keine Angst! Entschuldigung! Das passiert!” (Don’t worry! Excuse me! It happens!). It made me feel much better.

A Small Victory: Making Coffee

Yesterday, I actually managed to make a decent cup of coffee without completely botching it! Ingrid watched me carefully, and when I finished, she said, “Gut gemacht, Thomas! Mach das nochmal!” (Well done, Thomas! Make it again!). It was a small victory, but it felt amazing. I realised that getting the small things right, and communicating clearly, is a huge step in feeling settled and accepted.

Right now, my German vocabulary still feels limited, and my ability to instinctively know the correct imperative or modal verb is… patchy. But I’m learning, one dish, one instruction, one “Danke” at a time. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.